Is It Okay To Share Sometimes?

The author of 20 Things I did to Save and Make My Marriage Happy and Great highlights excellent points and suggestions. However number 7 "Don’t discuss your intimacy and secrets with others" had me stop and think for a moment. Encouraging people not to share concerns about their relationship continues the stigma that relationships should be perfect, and if it is not, you should keep it a secret because it reflects poorly on you.

I take issue with the above statement because a significant percent of relationship distress is related to fears such as:  "I'm doing it wrong", or: "everyone seems to have it all figured out but me". Failing to share your questions and concerns with others can leave you in the dark with fears of inevitable failure. I'm not advocating for spilling your guts at your next girls or boys night out, but rather I'm advocating for sharing with a good friend or family member that you trust. Find a good listening ear in your life and utilize it. Often, the person you are sharing with will normalize your experience and you'll learn that you're not alone. Moreover, sharing your concerns with others gives you the opportunity to stop and rethink, and the listener can help you see a different perspective of the issue or concern at hand. 

Another concern I have with the lack of sharing is that it continues to perpetuate the cycle of expecting your partner to be EVERYTHING including your confidant for ALL issues. Your partner won't always be able to meet all your needs; particularly when it is a relationship issue as she/he are entangled in it just as much as you are.  We are complex people; sometimes we need to step out of the relationship and share what we are feeling so we can gain a new healthier perspective.

And of course, if you can't seem to find the good listening ear, there is always a therapist :) 

Talk Soon,


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