Not "Just the Way It Is"

By Nina Lei 

You’ve probably heard the advice to “accept the things you cannot change.”  Acceptance can help us move forward in our lives and open us to new experiences and viewpoints.  It is positive in many ways. 

But what about resignation?  It’s related to acceptance, but unlike acceptance, it’s often negative.  When we’re resigned, we usually have a sense that we’ve given something up or relinquished something in a way.  I’ve heard people say (and I’ve said myself), “I’m resigned about it — it’s just the way it is.”  It’s true of some things, but not everything. 

In particular, feeling unhealthy, negative emotions is not something that anyone should be resigned about.  Constantly feeling depressed or angry or other such emotions is NOT “just the way it is.”  By being resigned to these unhealthy emotions, you’re ignoring your ability to change your negative emotions into positive ones and giving up on yourself. 

It might make sense to give up when you don’t have the means to fight for something, but not when you have the ability to win your fight.  And almost everyone has this ability — so don’t resign yourself to the false belief that constantly feeling depressed, angry, etc. is “just the way it is.” 

If your negative emotions are constantly present, you can do something about it.  It starts by not resigning yourself to this state of being, and then seeking help.  

You might wonder what a therapist can do for you, especially if you think there’s nothing that can be done to change the way you feel.  First, a therapist can show you how our emotions are often a product of our cognitions.  Then, a therapist can work with you to change the irrational thoughts we have (that have negative impacts on our lives), which will then lead to positive changes in the way we feel. 

Don’t be resigned to an unhealthy state of mind – it’s not “just the way it is”!  Contact me at or any of my fellow therapists at to schedule an appointment and take steps towards a healthy state of mind.

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