As a therapist in NYC, I've encountered many people who come to treatment after a breakup or divorce. A breakup can ignite the desire to investigate, dissect and order our experiences. We comb through each encounter, discussion and interaction. But, the story often feels incomplete. When humans experience a pain and hurt, the desire to identify and understand each aspect of the event is actually our desire to prevent it from happening again. Often our primary goal is to avoid pain, so when we feel it, we want to understand it so we can see it coming again. But, the flaw in this approach is assuming that there 'fairness' and 'order' to the world and that you can understand the extremely complex interactions between two people. This approach also relies on another person to outline and diagram their decision which ultimately feel like they fall short anyway.
Read more about how to handle it when an Ex won't engage in your investigation into the ever disruptive "WHY?"