1. REFRAME IT: If we can reframe our perspective about our perceived failures, disappointments, set-backs, roadblocks, break-ups, loss, etc. we can begin to see the situation in a different way. Remember, it is not events alone that cause our emotional distress, unhappiness, etc., it is how we perceive the event and what we tell ourselves regarding that situation. For example, if someone is going through a break-up, they may tell themselves, "I am unlovable, inadequate or I am a failure", rather than, our relationship failed, and it's not all of my fault because a relationship is a two -way street and this is an opportunity for self-examination and new experiences.
2. EXPAND THE NEW FRAME: What did that experience teach me? How can I use this experience to better myself or avoid future mental anguish? Using the example above, a break-up can teach you what you really want and to know what to look for or avoid in the next relationship.
3. SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE: In the moment, it's difficult to see past the present disappointment or roadblock, but ask yourself this: Is the present situation going to matter a month from now, a year from now, a decade from now, and so on? This present difficulty may seem like an eternity and that things will never get better, but in reality, it's only a drop of water in the vast ocean of life lessons we are bound to experience. It's your choice to learn from it.
4. ENGAGE SELF-COMPASSION: Imagine your mother, father, sister, brother, or best friend coming to you for help in the situation. What would you say to them? What would you want them to feel? How would you support them during their trying time? Apply that compassion and understanding to yourself! It's really easy to wallow in self-pity but what's worth the challenge is to cut yourself some slack and love yourself unconditionally!
5. NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS: No one on this earth is perfect. However, we all have the amazing capacity to learn and grow. Life is about learning. We can not become resilient if we never experience adversity. It's all about your perspective. The good news is, it's entirely your choice on what perspective to have. Choose wisely.
Feel better today,