Two common misconceptions I often hear. 1. BDSM is internalized female suppression. 2. Rape Fantasies are only seen in women who are crazy; "who would want to be raped??" If you've ever thought of BDSM or rape fantasies with these intense negative emotions, then let's debunk the myth
Dr Hawley explains that female submission fantasies reveal ultimate female empowerment. The woman, with her sexual prowess is able to provoke the man into these "uncontrollable" sexual behaviors. To clarify, this is different than the stupid act of blaming the victim. Here, two consenting adults, choose to submit and control each other.
Bo Blaze, the author of 50 Shades of Kink, explains that he's seen BDSM be a very healing sexual interaction for girls who are survivors of abuse. A short take on this would be "I am now in control. I get to choose what should and shouldn't be done to me."
Sexual fantasies counteract feelings of guilt (more on that in the following blog posts.) In the case of rape fantasies; the fantasy counteracts the feeling of guilt by saying "this passionate pleasure or desire was forced onto me." Rape fantasies are highly common in women, particularly women from religious backgrounds. Having a rape fantasy doesn't mean that you truly want to be raped. What you do at night, doesn't define what you do in the day light.
Remember: As long as sex is safe, sane, and consensual - go for it!