Esther Perel has long been an idol of mine. Her theories on love, romance, relationships, and marriage are so powerful and honest, it's inspiring.
Most people in a relatively stable and happy relationship wouldn't click on a TED talk titled, Rethinking Infidelity. In fact, people hardly ever think about their choice of being monogamous and why infidelity occurs. The notion being that if one is satisfied they don't need to think about those who aren't. In fact, learning about why people step out, is a very easy route to understanding what makes people step in. As the second part of the title indicates, It's a Talk for Anyone Who has ever Loved.
Perel encourages us to come to the realization that relationships cannot meet the very high standards of the 21st Century. Our demands are no longer the simplistic need for security and commitment. Today, we want our partner to heal our childhood wounds, give us passion, inspire our desire, support our endeavors, provide security, be our best friend, yet give us enough space when we don't want a friend, and commit "till death do us part". While these are ideals that we aspire toward, we need to aspire with a mindful acceptance that sometimes we won't get it all.
If you're the one who has gone looking for a lost part of yourself, or if someone you love went to look for his or her lost self. Reach out. Couples whose relationship has been challenged with a transgression, very often come back stronger, more passionate, more committed, than before.
All the best, S