The Marriage Question

By Nina Lei

“When are you getting married?”  Since we’ve made it well past December 21st and all the way into 2013, I think it’s safe to say that the world isn’t ending anytime soon.  So that means for many of us, we have plenty of time to get hitched (or not).  But if we’ve got time, then why do people/does society put so much pressure on couples to tie the knot?

 I mean, is it just me or does it seem like many (seemingly most) people assume that if you’re in a committed relationship that you want to get married soon (ASAP!)?  I know that I definitely want to get married someday.  And I understand and very much support couples’ decisions to get married whenever they choose – whether that’s tomorrow or two years from now.  But what about people who haven’t thought about heading down the road of holy matrimony (yet)?  Or have decided that it’s in their future, but aren’t ready to set a timeline for themselves?  Or don’t want to get married at all?

 To those people I say this: you and your partner are the experts in your relationship.  That means only the two of you know and get to decide what the right choice is for your future.  So even if Mom or Best Friend from College or Neighbor’s Dogwalker thinks you should get married tomorrow, ultimately the only opinion that matters is yours (and your partner’s!).  After all, the two of you are going to be the ones living with the decision, not anyone else.

 Sometimes it might be hard to distinguish what other people want from what we want.  We get ideas of what’s normal and abnormal, good and bad, and much more from what other people tell us/drill into our heads.  It’s important, especially for the things that affect you the most, to sit down and really think about what YOU want and what YOU think is best for you. 

 So whether your future marriage is tomorrow or ten years from now or never, forget what everyone else has to say… the decision is all yours!  Think about what is right for your relationship.  If you and your partner need some help in discovering what your visions and goals are for the future, couples therapy would be a great way to guide the exploration.  I invite you to contact me at nina@mytherapist.info to get started! 

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