Sex therapist shares 5 tips for better sex

  1. STIMULATE his or her mind before you stimulate their body. Begin with scintillating conversation, whether you’re at the start of a new relationship or involved in a long-term one, flirting keeps it fresh and gets your blood flowing. After all, that’s what we want! Pick a body part and an adjective and see where the conversation goes from there.  

  2. EXPAND foreplay.  It’s about the journey, not the destination. So take your time and enjoy the scenery. Begin with talking, touching, hugging, kissing, etc. Try to engage all five senses, hearing, touch, taste, sight, and smell. 

  3. ENGAGE new things. You would have never realized that you liked that type of food, or hobby had you not tried it for the first time. You can incorporate different things. Mix it up. For example, food, toys, blindfolds, roleplaying, etc. Not sure what you like or where to start?  Consider visiting an adult toys store and explore the possibilities.  

  4.  COMMUNICATE what you want. It’s more likely that you will have better sex if you simply just asked for what you wanted either through verbal or non-verbal communication. Body language can convey a lot. Explicit sexual gestures come to mind. Or simply verbalize what you desire. Remember articulating what you want is definitely sexy, exudes confidence and you are being upfront to your partner about your needs and wants.  

  5. REINFORCE and motivate your partner.  Positively reinforce the desired behavior by offering praise and affirmations.  Just shouting “Yes” is the simplest affirmation you can give.  

    Start with “I like it when you_____” It feels so good when you_____” “Don’t stop doing____” Fill in the blanks with what you want and reinforce the great sex that you are having!

     

     

Feds Pay for Drug Fraud: 92 Percent of Foster Care, Poor Kids Prescribed Antipsychotics Get Them for Unaccepted Uses

The release in late March of an alarming new report by federal investigators has confirmed in shocking new detail what has been known for years: Poor and foster care kids covered by Medicaid are being prescribed too many dangerous antipsychotic drugs at young ages for far too long -- mostly without any medical justification at all. The report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) Inspector General examined in depth nearly 700 claims filed in 2011 in five of the biggest prescribing states -- California, Florida, Illinois, Texas and New York -- and discovered that two thirds of all the prescribing with these popular and costly "second generation antipsychotics" (SGAs) raised high-risk "quality of care" concerns.

 

 

## Note from Dr. DeMarco - More on this publushed years ago in the great book "Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America"

Positive Affirmations in Your Life

Ever wish you could bring more positivity into your life, but it just seems like you never have time to fit this into your hectic schedule? Check out this wonderful article on positive affirmations. This can be a wonderful way to start your morning and brighten your day!

http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/5-daily-affirmations-will-improve-life-exponentially/989771/

A blood test can tell us who is at risk for suicide

What if we could take a simple blood  test that may help us predict who may be  at risk for suicide in reaction to stress? Researchers at john Hopkins   have discovered a chemical alteration in a single human gene linked to stress reactions that, could give doctors a simple blood test to reliably predict a person’s risk of attempting suicide. The implicated is a genetic mutation in a gene known as  SKA2.  Looking at brain samples from mentally ill and healthy people, the researchers found that in samples from people who had died by suicide, levels of SKA2 were significantly reduced.

Eliana Bonaguro MHC

Women and Medication

Julie Holland raises some very interesting points in her article in the times on Sunday.

http://nyti.ms/1Anspyt

 When she talks about women's experience (when they are premenstrual, for instance) and perhaps an overmedication of women happening in our culture to tamp down very necessary biological emotions such as anger or dissatisfaction with a mate, I found myself having a lot of questions. She says that in certain instances medication is necessary, but doesn't go on to talk about that in much detail. I am curious what readers think who are on Mytherapist site blog. I can be reached at anna@mytherapist.info

3 Ways to Beat Depression through Exercise

Countless studies have suggested that exercise is an effective treatment for mild depression. Here are some ways to boost the benefits of exercise as a tool to beat the blues:

1) Go for a walk with a friend: by doing so you combine the benefits of social support and exercise. You do not have to tell your friend you are depressed.

2)Do some gardening or cleaning: if you have a house, mown that loan, prune those trees, cultivate those colorful flowers. If you live in an apartment, clean the fridge or the bedroom, and get a few plants to add the mood lifting benefits of a splash of color

3)Take your dog for a walk: studies suggest that people who have a pet tend to have lower risks of cardiovascular disease and a better mood. 

-Eliana Bonaguro MHC

Say what you mean...

Too often we misuse or blatantly use a word incorrectly, no big deal, right? Wrong! The saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me, could not be further from the truth in this sense. 

Our society and media outlets tends to like using mental disorders and/or psychological terms synonymously as adjectives for something that is usually trivial. This practice is what continues to perpetuate stigmas not only within the mental health field but also for those who struggle with their mental health. 

If you mean to say your mother yelled at you no reason that you can think of, and that you think she's being irrational, just SAY THAT and not that she is bi-polar. Chances are your mother does not struggle with bi-polar disorder, and the language used in the incorrect statement could be harmful to someone who does. Also know that it can steer someone away from getting the help and/or support they need if we continue to misuse and lightly throw terms around insensitively.

Cheating vs sexual infidelity

For most people in the western world, cheating is socially unacceptable. Nevertheless, according to statistics as much as 75% of men and 68% of women have cheated at some point in a relationship.

Does that mean people suck? Or does it mean we're letting our relationship styles be decided for us? You might be surprised to know that monogamy / sexual fidelity to one partner, is not the universal human experience. Is it time to design a relationship style that works for you?

 

Sources:Shepperd V. J. Nelson(1995)  Dating relationships and infidelity: Attitudes and behaviors. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 21, 202-212

Three Valentine's Day Ideas that will Blow his/her Mind

Whether we are just dating or are married to our partner, Valentine's day gives us permission to have some fun and show him how much we love him.

1- Greet him wearing nothing but a sexy ribbon and a drop of your perfume

2-Blindfold her and make her smell the scent of incense, flowers and finally of the perfume you got her

3-leave sexy note describing what you are going to do to him that same night

4- cook a sexy dish inundated with saffron (a spice with aphrodisiac properties)

Meditation

As a therapist in New York I found this article about thousand dollar workshops in meditation to be really interesting.

I get it. It's good. I meditate – I also go to therapy which some have called a form of meditation.  Because it's hard to "sit" - especially when there are things on your mind- like irrational beliefs you are barely conscious of.  I imagine it might also be especially hard to sit when you are in a networking meditation class costing you $1000 for a four-day introduction. 

But, as Laura M. Holson reports, "now, meditation studios and conferences catering to Type A Manhattan careerists are becoming a new hub for networking without the crass obviousness of looking for a job."

So, I guess that means -best learn how to sit with yourself and get your head and finances in order!  Whatever way you can!

PS I think therapy helps...

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/23/fashion/how-to-find-a-job-with-meditation-and-mindfulness.html

Anna Wilson

Psychotherapist

http://www.mytherapist.info/anna

Sex is Fun...remember!

As a therapist in NYC, sex can often be a driving force to bring couples into therapy. Long bouts of sexlessness and mounting feelings of sexual distance can make returning to sexual activity seem like more work than its worth; but remember sex is fun! Read more.....

http://psychcentral.com/lib/sexuality-and-marital-intimacy/00012148

Toxic Thoughts

Read more about Toxic Thoughts and how they can operate under the radar and stand in the way of psychological and emotional well-being.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2011/07/toxic-feel-good-thinking-patterns-why-theyre-addictive/#at_pco=smlre-1.0&at_si=544a760c0f43a053&at_ab=per-4&at_pos=1&at_tot=4

Christine D. Fazio, MA

Words

Use your words! As a therapist in New York, I am often impressed with my psychotherapy client's impetus and ability to use a wide vocabulary when expressing themselves. I believe something about therapy-- or maybe the whole act of the talking cure itself --forces us to use our words.

And this can help aging!  A new study showed results that led to the conclusion "that a higher level of vocabulary, as a measure of cognitive reserve, can protect against cognitive impairment,” Lojo Seoane said. Source: FECYT – Spanish Foundation for Science and Technology.

So start talking!

Smell

As a therapist in NY working with couples and individuals on issues related to sex, this discovery is particularly interesting.

Apparently our whole body smells!  If you didn't love your mammalian body before knowing something about the science of smell, then check this out, and let this bring you to your senses! 

Alex Stone writes, "Over the last decade or so, scientists have discovered that odor receptors are not solely confined to the nose, but found throughout body — in the liver, the heart, the kidneys and even sperm — where they play a pivotal role in a host of physiological functions.

Now, a team of biologists at Ruhr University Bochum in Germany has found that our skin is bristling with olfactory receptors..." http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/14/science/smell-turns-up-in-unexpected-places.html

REBT-proof your relationship

As therapists, we often see couples repeating the same arguments over and over again. And, many disagreements have a large subtext which rarely gets addressed. Using REBT techniques can unearth beliefs, which are the real culprits behind the argument. Read more and see you can apply the ABCD's to your last conflict.

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/larissa-rzemienski/rebt-proof-your-marriage-expert#.VDSsqfldVvl

 

 

 

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