Looking for just the right person with hook-up sites can be a thorny quest. And as a therapist in New York, I agree with Leah Reich in her article about sites like Tinder that we may not have the processing power to sift through thousands of matches. But I wonder, could the quest be fun? If it is like a game that you "keep playing" on your phone, maybe the task becomes how to find our own joy in the process-- our own play in the "playing".
She writes in, "Playing the Numbers in Digital Dating: What if more choices only make it harder to find one good match?" that "digital dating allows us to increase our numbers of suitors and objects of interest — Tinder says it has made 2 billion matches to date — but unless you’re a math genius or a hacker who can beat these algorithms at their own game, more isn’t necessarily the answer. It’s about finding good matches in smaller sets. Maybe algorithms aren’t there yet. Or maybe that’s not the goal of the game. Even without computers and phones, long before screens, we’ve always wondered, “But is there someone better?” There’s a simple reason for that, although the simple reason does not have a simple solution: Dating involves humans. We are strange creatures, sometimes brutal, not always photogenic, often delicate. We’re fascinated by metrics, big pictures and endless horizons of possibility. And we always, always want more."
I wonder if the "goal of the game" isn't something closer to accepting our "strange creature" full of endless desire and fascination-- to question "is there someone better" about ourselves-- then, with playful hope-- to enjoy the game!