Still at it! Reading chapter 5, “Creativity and Resilience” was tricky for me. I love the 5PP, and definitely I agree with setting aside some structured time for yourself each day is important to work on your inner world, and can definitely increase creativity. This chapter talks about how important it is to develop resilience by being resourceful with what you have available to you. But I continue to struggle with the psychoanalytic slant, with sentences like “Once you know why you feel this way, you can start to change it” and “The deeper feelings need to be understood”. The case studies used as examples to tie together the “creativity cure” just seem like pithy examples of how psychoanalysis works. This chapter even defined and described the Freudian defense mechanism “reaction formation”, and it’s there that the book becomes less and less accessible to me. Can resourcefulness lead to creativity? Absolutely. Can being resourceful and making it work with what you have lead to resilience (the ability to weather the storm)? Sure! But terms like “reaction formation”, “pleasure principal” and the case studies used to illustrate the terms feel like a distraction. 5PP Insight- 10- 20 minutes a day- Injured Self to Resilient Self It’s almost exactly 2 years to the day that I lost someone close to me, in a tragic bike accident. We met in the summer, and he had planned to go away for a few months in the Fall to do a biking trip with a non-profit in Canada called the Otesha Project. While riding with his group, he and a few other cyclists were hit by a truck, killing Andrew instantly, and injuring several others. This was the first time I had lost someone intimate as an adult, and it totally threw me- so much that I left New York for quite some time. I only knew him a short time, and at the time, it felt devastating- I can’t begin to imagine the sense of loss that others who knew him longer must have felt. The only way I could come to terms was to be able to find something inspiring about the situation, which was, Andrew loved his bike, and he died while biking- while doing what he loved. It took me leaving NYC to spend some time on my own in order to figure out how to spend the rest of my time on the planet doing what I love in a way that makes sense to me, surrounded by people who have similar visions and principals.
Movement-15 to 30 minutes a day – Working on Posture (a GREAT one for me- I slouch constantly)
Mind Rest- 5-10 minutes a day- Sentimental Time
Your Own Two Hands- 20- 40 minutes a day- Re-recorded two songs about Andrew The anniversary of his death was just a few days ago, and to reflect on how knowing this person, and experiencing this loss is part of my journey, I re-recorded two songs that I wrote at the time- one from me to him during that mushy “I think I’m falling for you” stage, and one from him to me made up of every text he ever sent me. Out of profound loss came music. I’m no professional musician, but I’ve found over the years that my best way to deal with life stuff is to express it as best I can musically.
LW: What do we commemorate on this day? If you have a snack, a shower and a clean shirt for tomorrow, I like listening to your ideas. I wish we could have an outdoors adventure. I would love to have some time for just me and you. I don’t feel bad, except that there’s not more time to know you. Make sure you prepare a toast. I would like some kisses and a back rub. I want you in my arms waiting for the rainstorm. Can’t wait for you to meet all the other people I love. “Hopipolla” by Sigur Ros helps…and your kisses. This song is hopeful. It makes me think of the next time our paths will cross. You’re beautiful. I miss you already. I guess it’s sort of fun to have something to look forward to. Just trying to make it better in my mind. (But it’s not working). Yes, and I’m taking you with me in spirit. We will have our own adventures. Yes. I believe that about us. Good night my love, you’re the best. I would catch you a lobster. I think it will be cold in Canada without you. Me: Dunno where you are, but thinkin about you.
Mind Shift- 10-20 Minutes a Day- I think I am a fairly resilient person, however, I think I have learned throughout the years ways to take care of myself to maintain that resilience. We’re taught as therapists to think about self-care as a regular part of our work, considering what it is we do. This definitely helped me deal with my loss two years ago. I was spreading myself too thin, I was teaching, training therapists in my practice, and was the coordinator of a mental health program at a non-profit in Staten Island, as well as dealing with all the other things going on in life. Long story short, I wasn’t on my bike. And when I go out of this world, I want to make sure I am.