NYC Sex Therapist Video : Sex Addiction - A rational discussion
Before you check yourself into a sex addiction “clinic” or to see a "sex addiction specialist", I urge you to check out this video above from the Magnus Hirschfeld Archive for Sexology. As therapists, we know any behavior can be used in a self-defeating way, but sex addiction is a sloppy way of describing, and carries with it all sorts of implications. This video offers a thorough and rational way of looking at the issues of sex addiction and porn addiction in a scientific way, something often lacking from other therapists' work. It comes down to, do your behaviors propel you forward in your life, getting you closer to being okay in your skin? Or are your behaviors self-defeating, sabotaging the things you really want in your life. (Things you yourself have chosen, not that society tells you you should want.) Society tells you that too much sex is sex addiction. Society tells you you that people settle down. Society tells you being in a monogamous relationship is normal. Society also tells you that monogamous relationships will eventually become sexually boring, and possibly sexless, and that half of all marriages will end in divorce. Society often sets us up for failure.
In 10 years of being a therapist, I have never seen anyone come to the office with their life completely wrecked from their level of sexual desires. That said, I have definitely seen people living lives they have set up for show, then living secret lives where they are getting the rest of their needs met. When they get caught, because they will get caught, then the two worlds come crashing together. In the client's rush to protect their own egos, they latch on to lazy (and fake) diagnoses like "sex addiction" to they can preserve their dignity. 12 Step says it's not my fault, and I have a disease, right?
There is sometimes a belief there that, well, I should settle down and be in a relationship because that's what everybody else does. So in the rush to "be like everyone else", they are often cutting out perfectly normal things they want to do , like having sex. And there are lots of therapists out there who struggle with the same brainwashing about what is normal in society, and fall into the role of moral compass, and use the framework of "addiction" to "cure" you. How on earth do you cure someone of an "illness" that is based on moralizing and not on science?