NYC Therapist news: Monogamy: cheating on what nature intended, or a simple choice?

NYC Therapist News is all about articles we find in our travels as NYC Therapists that we share and comment on with you

When it comes to sex, I’m generally found residing in the live and let live camp. I’m all for polyamory, for open marriages, for hall passes and swinging. At least when everyone is suitably briefed. And here’s the rub. Polyamory, open marriages, hall passes and swinging only work when everyone agrees to the ground rules. When everyone consents without coercion. When nobody feels betrayed. When nobody wants more than what’s offered. (Read Article) Great article! NYC Therapist would only add that being monogamous IS a choice, no question about it. And so is non-monogamy. Perhaps if more people were open and honest about wanting to BE non-monogamous, we wouldn’t have so many people forcing themselves into sexually exclusive relationships when they don’t really want/need to be there.

I would also throw in that it is totally human to hide unpleasant facts, behaviors, activities, etc because people generally see themselves as good. Therefore, when they decide to be sexually unfaithful to their partner, their egos can’t handle that blow (not to sound Freudian at ALL), then they can more easily rationalize not telling their partners. It’s difficult to talk about sex openly and honestly with people you’re NOT in relationships with, let alone someone you’re supposed to want to spend your life with.

We at NYC Therapist try to work with people in couples therapy or in individual therapy on challenging the notion that they have to be in relationships at all before they jump in and decide they need/want to have sex with someone besides their partner (when they’re not ready to be up front about it). It’s totally cool to be monogamous. It’s fine to be single. It’s fine to be emotionally faithful, but not sexually. Hope we can just get more people to talk about what they want instead of just assuming there’s only one “normal” style of relationship.

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